After getting fired from his job at the toy factory for putting hazardous material in the toys while suffering a hangover, Peter signs on to welfare, though he gets much more than he expected. Meanwhile, Stewie's matricidal tendencies are born.

While driving Meg home from her driver's test, Peter crashes into the town's cable TV transmitter and promises Meg she'll get a car of her own if she takes the blame for it. Meanwhile, Stewie goes to war against broccoli and builds a weather machine to destroy it.

Lois wants Stewie's first birthday party to be perfect, but complications arise: Meg ditches the party and unknowingly joins a cult, while Stewie thinks the party's climax will be his reinsertion into the womb and acts accordingly.

Stewie begins teething and builds a time machine to help pass the pain more quickly. Peter, under house arrest after punching a pregnant woman he thought was a man, builds a bar in the basement, where a neglected Lois becomes a lounge singer.

Peter invites his new neighbor Joe Swanson to be a ringer for the company softball team, but is surprised to find that Joe is confined to a wheelchair. He becomes jealous, however, once Joe wins the game and gets all the attention.

Peter takes the Griffins to New York to redress Chris' dismissal from the Boy Scouts, while Chris is too nervous to tell his father he does not wish to continue being a scout. The Griffins make a pit stop at an Indian casino, where Lois loses their car to a gambling machine.

After being humiliated at a dog show, Brian runs away from home, but gets in trouble with the law because of his species. Meanwhile, the family buys a cat in an attempt to deal with Brian's possibly permanent absence.