Lois and Peter try to bring the spark back in their marriage with a second honeymoon, running afoul of Mel Gibson in the process after they try to destroy another one of his bad films (a sequel to The Passion Of The Christ). Meanwhile, Brian and Stewie team up to discipline Chris after they catch him drinking vodka at a school dance.

Brian becomes a substitute English teacher, but is transferred to a class for troubled teens, and charges himself with helping them out with life in general. Meanwhile, Chris is attracted to Brian's replacement teacher who, once she becomes aware of this, wants him to murder her husband so they can be together.

After Quagmire rescues a woman who collapsed from a heart attack, Peter does whatever he can to achieve something he'll be remembered for. His ambitions, however, ultimately cost him his eyesight. Meanwhile, the Giant Chicken from "Da Boom" returns to challenge Peter to a rematch.

Meg gets the ultimate makeover in an attempt to boost her confidence which. Meanwhile, Peter aspires to start a rock band which, along with Meg's new attractiveness and talented singing voice, causes the entire family to become a traveling band that ends up performing on Saturday Night Live.

After Loretta has an affair with Quagmire and leaves Cleveland because of how boring he is, Peter decides to teach Cleveland to express his emotions. His plan seems to work too effectively, as now Cleveland wants to kill Quagmire for revenge and Peter must save him from his wrath.

Peter becomes so convinced that he's a genius that Brian challenges him to prove it; the IQ test he takes reveals that Peter is mentally retarded. His condition is made public, and Peter initially feels like an outcast from society until he discovers all the perks that come with his fellow citizens' sympathy.

Brian appears on the ABC reality show The Bachelorette thinking he won't win, but falls for the Bachelorette when he sees her as more than an actress, and they begin a relationship. Meanwhile, Chris makes friends with a talking pimple on his face, who orders him to make mischief.

Peter offers his daughter, Meg, to Mort Goldman's son, Neil, to pay off a tab at the pharmacy. Meg is obviously against the idea at first, but when she discovers that Neil is going out with someone else, she grows jealous. Meanwhile, Stewie falls for a beautiful babysitter who has a boyfriend.

Lois becomes a kleptomaniac after discovering the rush of shoplifting, but is ultimately arrested and sent to prison after she is busted for stealing a priceless painting. The Griffins can't stand life without her, so they break her out of jail and start life anew in "Asiantown," becoming fugitives of the law.

Lois fulfills her lifelong dream of being a fashion model after appearing in her underwear in the newspaper. Peter, however, grows increasingly concerned that she may be losing touch with reality. Meanwhile, Brian works on a pyramid scheme with Stewie to get money for tapeworm medication.

Brian falls for an African-American teacher and petitions to have the name of the school changed just to please her. Peter feels uncomfortable about this and has James Woods take care of the situation. Peter eventually befriends James, who eventually overshadows Brian as his new best friend.

Peter and his friends get shipwrecked, prompting Lois to marry Brian under the assumption that Peter is dead. She is, of course, overjoyed to find Peter safe and sound, but is also torn between her affection to Peter and her commitment to Brian. Her feelings are soon put to the test when she has an affair with Peter.

Chris runs away from his horrible first day as a high school freshman and joins the Peace Corps. But when he gets the tribe he's staying with to break out into song and dance, he's due to marry the chief's daughter and never return home. Meanwhile, Peter gets a job at the newly renovated Pawtucket Patriot Brewery.

A "trouser malfunction" during an award show prompts the FCC to censor mildly objectionable content on TV. Outraged, Peter creates his own TV station, filled with uncut, uncensored, and all-around obscene programming. When the FCC picks up on this, they go to drastic measures by censoring all of real life, which annoys everyone.

When it's revealed that Brian never finished college, Brian decides to return to obtain his last degree. However, he must deal with his temptations to cheat in order to pass the class. Meanwhile, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe become the new "A-Team" after winning a costume contest.

Lois thinks Stewie's matricidal behavior is just a cry for fatherly attention, so she makes Peter bond with Stewie, although Peter and Stewie play tricks on her instead. Meanwhile, Chris does chores for Herbert after breaking his window to pay for it, which makes Herbert feel closer to him than ever before.

Lois discovers that she has a brother she never knew about who, after a traumatic experience involving Jackie Gleeson, is locked in a mental hospital and holds a grudge against the obese. Meanwhile, Peter starts an advocacy group for overweight men after the doctor tells him he's fat.

After failing to find a religion he would want to follow personally, Peter starts his own religion based on his faith in Fonzie from Happy Days, which immediately becomes very popular. Meanwhile, Stewie is stuck in a plastic bubble after being diagnosed with a weak immune system.

Brian sinks into a depression after surviving getting hit by a car, but finds a new lease on life as a back-up singer for Frank Sinatra, Jr. He does, however, take up a whole new drinking habit. Meanwhile, Meg pretends to be a lesbian in order to make friends with a group of real teenage lesbians.

Peter becomes a player for the New England Patriots football team after displaying his impressive charging skills, but Tom Brady becomes very uncomfortable with his constant showboating, especially with the glory going to his head. In punishment, Peter is sent to play to London, England. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes a bookie and assaults Brian over an unpaid bet.

Peter wins free maid service on Wheel of Fortune with whom Quagmire actually falls in love and wants to marry. This causes a change in his demeanor, so Peter tries to talk him out of it to get the old Quagmire back. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to cope when Lois weans him from her breast milk.

Peter gets a vasectomy after a pregnancy scare from Lois, which puts a kibosh on Peter and Lois's sex life. Lois begins overeating and gets fat, which spices things up between the two. Meanwhile, Stewie's equally-malicious sperm brother is born and fights a battle against Stewie for control over the playground.

Brian tries to expose Mayor West as the corrupt politician he is, and becomes even more determined after discovering that he is dating Meg, who has become his new intern. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois start smoking marijuana in the hopes of finding musical inspiration for a talent show.

After reading an erotica book that he thought was bad, Peter writes a collection of his own, leading to Lois's father, Carter, to lose his money. Unable to cope with their middle-class lives, Peter and Carter set all differences aside and team up to get rich quick. Meanwhile, Stewie trains for the Olympics.

Mayor West tries to ban gay marriage to divert attention from a bad investment he made with the taxpayers' money, prompting Brian to fight for the right of his cousin Jasper to get married. Meanwhile, Chris protests against gay marriage just for the sake of feeling up a conservative girl.

Out of jealousy over Joe's new theater room, Peter decides to build a multiplex, but comes across an Indian skull. As a result, a poltergeist haunts the Griffins' house and spirits Stewie away to the other side. After retrieving him, the Griffins try and find a way to expel the spirit.

When the Griffin family is stuck in their panic room during a robbery, Peter tells stories of the many famous Griffins in the family's extensive ancestry to pass the time. Meanwhile, Meg is being held hostage by the robbers, and finds an interesting way to evade them.

Stewie's attempt to destroy a boy he doesn't like lands him in a near-death experience where he gets a brief taste of life in Hell. This is enough to make Stewie resolve to act nicer to everyone, though he becomes an alcoholic in the process. Meanwhile Peter gets a new job as an editorial reporter on the local news.

Stewie sees for a man on TV who looks just like him. Convinced this man must be his real father, Stewie takes Brian to go on a cross-country road trip with Quagmire to find him and discover the truth. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois try to help Chris and Meg get dates so that they can have some "alone time."

It turns out that the man Stewie saw is his 30-year-old self, so Stewie joins him in the future to discover how his life will turn out, which he finds appalling. After discovering that the source of it all is his near-death experience, Stewie resolves to go back in time and prevent it from ever happening.