After Lois saves Stewie's teddy bear, Rupert, Stewie has a change of heart and takes an extreme liking to his mother, though Lois eventually gets sick of all his love and attention when it becomes too much for her to handle. Meanwhile, Peter undergoes a prostate exam and is convinced that he was molested by his doctor.

When Peter's mother Thelma announces that she is getting a divorce, Peter feels abandoned. However, he soon finds a father figure in her new boyfriend Tom Tucker and begins acting like a child again, though things soon take a serious turn. Meanwhile, Brian gets his own radio show, though Stewie can't help but stir things up.

After Peter blows all of Meg's car money on a military tank for himself, Meg gets a job at a Wal-Mart-like supermarket, which uses up most of the town's energy and puts other stores out of business. Brian and Stewie eventually take matters into their own hands to save the town from the corporate giant.

When Brian tries to give the Army a piece of his mind for trying to recruit Chris to join, Stewie tags along and gets themselves enlisted. After making it through boot camp, they are shipped to Iraq where they try to get an honorable discharge. Meanwhile, Chris joins a goth rock band as an after-school activity.

After Peter severely injures his hand and is told he needs to pick up the pace at work, Lois goes to the brewery to help him catch up. Meanwhile, Stewie discovers that Brian's attractive new girlfriend, Jillian, is an airhead and tries to convince him to break up with her, though Brian can't close the deal because she's so hot.

Lois volunteers to teach sex-ed class after discovering Chris has been getting bad information on sex, though she is soon replaced by a Church spokesman. Meanwhile, Meg and her new boyfriend take an abstinence pledge but still manage to find a loophole, and Stewie goes to great lengths to destroy the Tooth Fairy.

Stewie ties the knot with his old friend Olivia, but their relationship quickly turns into a traditional marriage full of resentment and bickering; things get ugly when they go on a double-date with Brian and Jillian. Meanwhile, Lois introduces Peter to chick flicks, which inspires him to make a chick flick of his own.

Brian goes to the school dance with Meg after she can't find a date, where he gets drunk to ease the pain and makes out with her. As a result, Meg begins to think of Brian as her new boyfriend, and quickly grows obsessed him. Meanwhile, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire join the police force and have to come to Brian's aid.

Brian accidentally sells Stewie's teddy bear, Rupert, at a garage sale. This, of course, upsets Stewie, so Brian takes him on a cross-country road trip to Aspen, Colorado, to find him, where Stewie challenges the culprit to a ski-off to get him back. Meanwhile, Peter's licence is suspended and Meg becomes his personal chauffer.

When Peter's father dies, Peter finds out from his mother that his real father is in Ireland. Peter and Brian find the man, who ends up being the town drunk, so Peter challenges him to a drinking game to prove himself. Meanwhile, Stewie gets spanked by Lois after acting out, but discovers that he likes the abuse and tries to get into trouble.

Peter ends up beating up a bully who's been harassing Chris, soon realizing that bullying is fun and ending up becoming a bully himself until Chris stands up to him. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes obsessed with getting a tan, though he ends up getting a nasty sunburn and fears he's developed skin cancer.

Peter messes things up at the airport and causes Quagmire to lose his job as an airline pilot. After failing to find any other jobs, Quagmire must rely on Peter, Cleveland and Joe's schemes to get his old job back. But when their plan flops, Quagmire turns to Hugh Hefner for advice, leading him to save the day.

Peter befriends Bill Clinton, though Lois thinks he is a bad influence. But when she tries to break off their relationship, she ends up having sex with Clinton instead. Peter is devastated, so Lois tries to convince him to even the score. Meanwhile, Brian tries to potty-train himself with guidance from Stewie.

The Griffins open a restaurant, but have trouble attracting customers. Joe offers to bring some of his friends in to help with business; Peter assumes they are all police officers, but they ultimately turn out to be cripples. Though Peter tries to change the atmosphere, a twist of irony quickly changes his mind.

The family starts going to church when Lois gets a job as an organist, but Stewie gets sick off of Communion wine, which convinces the congregation that he's possessed. The Griffins then move to Texas, where Peter becomes a cowboy, Stewie enters the "Little Miss Texas" pageant and Chris and Meg sneak into President Bush's ranch.

Chris gets expelled from James Woods High. Trying to help with the situation, his grandfather Carter Pewterschmidt helps him get accepted into a classy boarding school where he has trouble fitting in. Meanwhile, the Giant Chicken returns to pick a fight with Peter, only this time there is a peculiar twist.

Lois runs for Mayor of Quahog, but the only way she can get people to listen to her is if she dumbs down her plans to make Quahog a better place. She wins the election, only to become corrupted by power and begins buying herself expensive things. Meanwhile, Peter comes to enjoy being the mayor's husband and all the perks that come with it.

Death grants Peter's wish of going back in time to be 18 again for one night so that he can sow his wild oats. But when he bails on a date with Lois, he discovers back in the present that he's married to Molly Ringwald and Lois to Quagmire. Meanwhile, the former Griffin children have inherited Quagmire's charming traits.